Being a stay-at-home mum was never part of the plan.
I’ve got two boys — one is 8, the other is 2 — and this year, my littlest has just started nursery.
You’d think that would mean it’s time for me to dive into work… right?
But here’s the truth: even before I had kids, I never pictured myself staying at home. I always thought I’d go straight back to work, build a career, contribute financially — and if I’m honest, I still sometimes feel like I’m not “pulling my weight” compared to my husband.
Lately, though, I’ve been learning that mindset is doing more harm than good. But more on that later.
The reason I’m writing this now is because — I’m about to graduate!
It’s such an exciting moment. I’ve worked hard for this, and for most of my degree, I imagined I’d step right into a job. A career. A future.
The reality?
There’s nothing out there that fits around my childcare. No flexible entry-level roles, no trainee positions nearby — not where I live.
And so, I’m standing in this weird, emotional, frustrating middle place:
I want to work. I want to contribute. But I also want to be there for my boys.
And maybe… maybe I’m starting to believe that being there for them is contributing, in a different kind of way.
The Internal Battle
I’ve never been out of work or education in my life — not since I was a toddler!
From the age of 16, I was working, and when I stopped, it was only because I was starting university. Even then, I didn’t slow down for long — I had my youngest during my first year of my degree. (Wouldn’t recommend it, but hey — it’s possible.)
I always pictured myself working to provide for my kids. I never imagined a life where I wasn’t contributing in that way. But now, with my degree coming to an end, I’m staring down the reality of finding a job that fits around my husband’s hours… and honestly? It’s just not looking good.
He used to be around to help with one of the school runs — mornings or evenings — and that gave me some flexibility. But since he changed jobs a few weeks ago, he’s now out working full days. Right now, I’ve got full responsibility for the kids — and trying to manage that on top of studying is proving really difficult.
It’ll be easier in a month, when I finish my degree, but still… the logistics don’t change much.
Right now I commute into London for uni, and that’s not sustainable. It never was meant to be a long-term thing. I always believed that I’d go straight into work after graduation. I never pictured myself facing the idea of being “just a mum.”
But here I am, and the thought of it has brought on what I can only describe as a bit of an identity crisis. I’ve had to sit with some uncomfortable feelings. I kept thinking, “Who even am I, if I’m not working? Am I just an extension of my children now?”
But here’s the thing:
Even if I never return to paid work, I will always be:
- A mum
- A wife
- A personal chef
- A house manager
- A family finance mogul
- A daughter
- A friend
- A blogger
And that is what I’ve had to remind myself.
We say “just a mum” like it’s small. But being a mum is work.
It’s emotional work, physical work, mental work. It’s running a home, raising little people, keeping everything afloat. It’s unpaid, invisible — and yet completely invaluable.
So no, I’m not “just” a mum.
I’m a woman doing everything she can to hold it all together.
And that is more than enough.
Our Finances (The Hard Numbers)
I want to be transparent about how this decision plays out in real life. Staying at home with kids isn’t always financially straightforward — and it’s definitely not a “soft option.” So let’s talk about the numbers.
🧾 Our Income
Right now, we live on one income (sort of) — my husband brings home £750 a week after tax, which works out to roughly £3,250 a month. It’s not a luxury income, but it’s a damn sight more than we’ve ever earned in the past – even combined. And I’m also not ignorant to the fact that a lot of families do not earn this much.
I also get my student finance payment, which is supposed to cover living expenses for students, this comes out to about £5k every 4 months.
My husband has only been bringing home this amount of money for a few weeks as he has recently changed jobs, beforehand he was bring home between £300 and £400 a week – which was really hard for us to manage on.
Currently, we’ve built up a bit of debt whilst I have been at uni and we are much more comfortable with paying it off on his new salary.
🏡 Our Expenses
We’re homeowners with a mortgage, and we try to keep our lifestyle modest. Here’s a rough breakdown of our monthly expenses:
| Category | Cost (Monthly) |
|---|---|
| Mortgage | £550 |
| Council Tax | £133 |
| Utilities (Gas, Elec, Water) | ~£250–£300 |
| Groceries (Family of 4) | ~£400–£500 |
| Car Insurance | £100 |
| Petrol | ~£150 |
| Internet & Phones | ~£70 |
| Kids (nappies, clothes, etc.) | ~£100 |
| Total | ~£1,750–£1,900 |
Even with all that, we still have about £1,300–£1,500 left over each month — and that’s where things get interesting.
💳 Our Debt (And Our Plan to Clear It)
Right now, we’re working on paying off a total of £12,000 in personal debts, across a few different monthly repayments:
- Loan: £321/month
- Smaller loan: £100/month
- Another: £100/month
- Car insurance (on a monthly plan): £100/month
- A couple of small balances on Credit Cards
That’s £621+/month currently going toward repayments.
But here’s the game-changer:
I still have £10,000 of student finance due to come in. And that’s not being spent — it’s going straight towards smashing down our debt.
If all goes to plan, that will leave just a small amount remaining, which we’ll continue to chip away at monthly. Once that’s cleared, we’ll have significantly more breathing room every month — and that is what makes staying at home long-term a real possibility.
✨ What Staying at Home Could Look Like for Us
- Short-term: We budget tightly and prioritise debt clearance
- Medium-term: Once debts are cleared, we’ll have £1,000+ free every month
- Long-term: We can build an emergency fund, save for the future, and even consider a second property
💭 What Staying at Home Really Means
Let’s clear one thing up — staying at home doesn’t mean I’m “doing nothing.”
Far from it.
Every single day, I’m:
- Raising two boys
- Managing our household
- Planning meals, shopping on a budget, cooking from scratch
- Keeping on top of laundry, cleaning, school admin, appointments
- Handling our family finances
- Making sure everyone has what they need — emotionally, physically, and practically
It’s a full-time job — without the lunch break, the salary, or the annual leave.
And on top of all that?
I’m building something of my own.
I’m writing this blog — not just as a hobby, but as a way to share, to connect, and maybe one day to create a small income.
I don’t have a payslip right now, but I’m contributing in ways that matter.
I’m giving my time, my energy, my effort — and I’m pouring it into the place that needs me most: home.
I Used to Think I Had to Prove My Worth with a Payslip
There was a time I believed that if I wasn’t bringing in money, I wasn’t doing enough.
I felt like I had to earn my place, to keep up with my partner, to match the energy of someone out working full-time.
But the truth is — I am working full-time.
It just looks different.
It’s unpaid, invisible, and often taken for granted… but it’s real work.
I’m not clocking in and out, but I’m always on.
I’m not reporting to a boss, but I’m keeping a whole household running.
And I’m doing it while still dreaming, still building, still learning who I am.
I’m Not “Just a Mum”
That phrase — “just a mum” — has so much weight behind it.
But being a mum isn’t just anything.
It’s:
- Emotional labour
- Mental load
- Physical exhaustion
- Planning, nurturing, supporting, anticipating needs
- Holding space for your kids, your partner, and your own growth at the same time
I am a mother.
I am a homemaker.
I am a quiet leader in my family.
And I am still me — creative, ambitious, and full of ideas, even if they take a little longer to grow.
Being a stay-at-home mum doesn’t mean putting my life on hold.
It means building a life that includes my kids without losing myself.
And that’s something I’m proud of — even on the days it’s hard.
Our Plan Going Forward
So where do we go from here?
Honestly, the plan isn’t flashy. It’s not built on grand five-year forecasts or big promises. It’s built on patience, discipline, and doing what works for our family — one month at a time.
1. Clear the Debts
The first and biggest step is getting rid of our remaining debt. We’re using my final student finance payment to make a big dent, and after that, we’ll keep chipping away until it’s gone.
Once those monthly payments are off our shoulders, we’ll have real breathing room — and more choices.
2. Live Simply
We’re not aiming for extravagance — we’re aiming for peace.
Simple meals, a slower pace, staying out of debt, being smart with money. We’re learning to appreciate what we have instead of constantly chasing more. And honestly? It’s kind of freeing.
3. Build Routines and Rhythm
With uni finishing soon, I’m looking forward to resetting our days and creating a rhythm that actually works for us.
I want mornings that aren’t chaotic, dinners that feel calm, and time in the day where I’m not just reacting to everything. We’re finding what works and doing more of it — and letting go of the rest.
4. Create Space for Growth
Eventually, we’d love to save for something more.
Maybe a second property — not a dream home, but a smart move for our future.
Maybe blog income — not to get rich, but to feel like I’m contributing in a way that fits into our life.
And maybe, just maybe… the space I’m creating now — by staying home, living simply, and focusing on what matters — will become the space where new dreams can start to grow.
A Word to Other Mums
If you’re reading this because you’re torn — just know, you’re not alone.
You might be sitting with that same knot in your stomach.
Wondering how you’ll afford it.
Wondering if staying at home means giving up on yourself.
Wondering if you’re doing enough — for your family, for your future, for you.
I see you. I’m you.
And I want to tell you something really simple:
You don’t have to justify wanting to be there.
You don’t have to apologise for choosing your children.
You don’t have to feel small for wanting slower mornings, unhurried dinners, and a bit of peace.
Choosing to stay at home isn’t “opting out.”
It’s opting in — to presence, to purpose, to something that might not show up on a payslip but still matters more than words can say.
You can still build.
You can still create.
You can still grow.
And you can absolutely thrive — even from home.
Whether you’re in a season of pausing, pivoting, or rebuilding —
please know this:
You’re not just a mum.
You’re the backbone of your home.
And that is more than enough.
One last thing…
This isn’t the path I imagined for myself — but maybe it’s the one I was always meant to walk.
And maybe, just maybe, staying at home with my children isn’t the end of anything…
It’s the beginning of something slower, quieter, but just as meaningful.
If you’re sitting with similar thoughts, trying to make sense of your own options, I hope this post helped you feel a little less alone.
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution — only what works for you, in this season, with your family.
You’re allowed to choose presence.
You’re allowed to build a life that looks different.
You’re allowed to be proud of the work you do — even if no one sees it but your kids.
Until next time,
Jordan 💛
